Let's say you didn't go to Coachella, you didn't watch it on the live stream, and you blocked all your friends' Instagram and Twitter accounts because you got tired of hearing about it.
Let me help you out. Here are the 40 most newsworthy, noteworthy, laugh-worth and cringe-worthy things that happened during Coachella Weekend One, so you can at least keep up with the conversation.
1. Weezer wins the weekend.Call me old-fashioned or just old, but it was the Weezer set that I liked the most. And it wasn't just special guests (Tears for Fears and Chilli from TLC)or the fun stuff (starting as a barbershop quartet), it was the verve and vitality with which Rivers Cuomo and the band performed.
More:Weezer wows with guest-filled Coachella set that includes Tears for Fears, Chilli from TLC
2. Childish Gambino had my favorite headlining set. It was the most odd, for sure, but I like when artists usetheir Coachella setto do something different. Something way different than you might see during a regular old arena show of theirs. His voice, both literally and in the social sense, are powerful.
More:Review: Childish Gambino takes Coachella to 'church'
3. Shoutout to Ariana Grande. I'm not ready to get on board calling 2019 "AriChella" in the same way we saidBeyChella in 2018, but there's something about her overall spirit you just can't deny. And those pipes. Wow! I enjoyed her performance more than I thought I was going to.
More:Ariana Grande becomes fourth woman to headline Coachella, brings out *NSYNC members and others
4. I was happy with Tame Impala's headlining set, too. I worried their music was a little too one-note, but it didn't come across that way live and they had those laser lights working. My eyes are still trying to refocus.
More:Review: Tame Impala dazzles with visually striking, psychedelic Coachella set
5.Janelle Monae's performance was pitch-perfect. Is there anyone more amazing, talented, kind, stylish and perfect?Her vibe is positive. She can sing, dance and act. And she was seen attending tons of other acts, supporting her friends.
More:Women have a field day at Coachella, and more than 100,000 fans are enjoying it
6. It's about 7:41 a.m. on Monday morning and I may still be stuck in the crowd at the outdoor stage trying to see Billie Eilish. She has captured the music world's attention and she's only *checks notes*17. What?
More:After 40-minute delay, Billie Eilish plays flawed Coachella set, still 'too cool for school'
7.Welcome back to Coachella gigantic astronaut. It was fun having the slow-moving iconic space-travelling art installationroaming the grounds again, providing the two things people want most -- something to Instagram, and shade.
8. It wasn't at Prince 2017 levels, but I was inspired by the many tributes todeceased rapper Nipsey Hussle. His friend and fellow rapper YG in particular paid touching tribute, including an image of Nipsey and Tupac in heaven. It was moving.
More:YG pays tribute to Nipsey Hussle at Coachella, shows image of rapper in heaven with Tupac
9. I'd like to see Kacey Musgraves amp it up a little. Both last year at Stagecoach and this year I Coachella, I was left wanting more. I love her voice, love her vibe, but I'd like to see her crank up the production value a few notches.
More:Coachella 2019: Kacey Musgraves shines in 'golden hour' performance, brings out Baddie Winkle
10. BLACKPINK! I officially like K-pop. It's impossible not to have fun and smile, as this talented quartet, sings and dances and raps and glows throughout their set.
More:BLACKPINK makes Coachella history as festival's first all-girl K-pop group
11. I'm sure it's difficult and tense being one of the sound technicians at Coachella, but the multiple derailments of Lizzo's show by sound issues was a total bummer. She handled it well but deserved better.
12. Full disclosure: I went to see Jaden Smith solely in the hopes that Will Smith would jump out and get Jiggy with it. That didn't happen, but I was more impressed than I was expecting to be Jaden's show. Sister Willow gets the assist, but he had me engaged the whole set.
13. I really liked watching the band Wallows perform early on a Saturday and I liked them even more after interviewing them. They are in the No. 13 slot because one of the talented trio is Dylan Minnette who starred in the angsty Netflix show "13 Reasons Why" but that has nothing to do with the fact that these guys can jam.
More:After growing up on Coachella, Wallows 'stoked' to follow through on desert dream
14. I mentioned the technical difficulties during Lizzo's set, but it shouldn't be understated the pure joyous force of nature she is. No one leaves a Lizzo show and says "You know what, I didn't really like that." She's got the charisma, the voice and a positive message. See her!
15.Shad's must-get food. You should definitely find Churro Bar and get a Fruity Pebbles encrusted Churro sundae. It's exactly what it sounds like, and tastes even better. Trust me.
16. I mean Tears for Fears, guys. C'mon, singing "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" with Weezer? That's right in the Shad musical strike zone.
17. Zedd brought out Katy Perry to the delight of a packed Main stage crowd. I've Zedd it before and I'll Zay it again. A Zedd set never disappoints.
More:Katy Perry comes out for Zedd's Sunday set at Coachella
18. "I can die now." That's what Ariana Grande said after performing with *NSYNC and it's also what I said when one of my tweets got a "like" from Chilli of TLC.
19. Childish Gambino really had his stamp on this festival, not just with his headlining act, but he also was showing a movie he produced starring Rhianna in a theater he created in the camping area, and he had an art installation (the big black stair case-looking one)on site that aimed to provide both sonic and visual wonder.
More:I watched Donald Glover's 'Guava Island' at Coachella. Here's what you should know
20.Five non-headliner performers you should see Weekend 2: Lizzo, BLACKPINK, Wallows, Christine and the Queens, Blood Orange
21. The Band I Liked Most Despite Their Name Award goes to ... Let's Eat Grandma. Congratulations ladies. I really did like their performance. Reminiscent of Haim.
22.My sing-along moment of Weekend One was definitely Weezer's rocking closer "Say It Ain't So." I knew all of the words because of the video game Rock Band, and I wasn't shy about belting them. Apologies to those around me.
23. Big shoutout to local artist Sofia Enriquez. Her art installation "Mismo" was a cool and beautiful addition to the grounds this year.
24. If I could ask for one change from Goldenvoice as far as scheduling for Weekend Two, how about Kid Cudi at maybe 10:30 p.m.-ish instead of 11:55 p.m. Kay? Thanks.
25. This Billie Eilish, gang, you've got to get on board. She's sort of aLorde, Sia, Adele hybrid mixing unstoppable pipes, creativity and slight helping of weirdness into a compelling Coachella casserole.
26. The song "No Scrubs" by TLC had a big weekend. Weezer covered the song on their album and brought Chilli herself out to sing it with them on Saturday. Then on Sunday, Lizzo had the entire crowd sing it and it turned into a 20,000-person singalong. Fun.
27. The Indio Central Market is a large food zone at Coachella but hidden within the market is a super-secret bar. Find it and you'll be able to acquire a top-flight beverage and feel cool about yourself.
More:There's a secret disco bar at Coachella this year. Here's what it looks like inside
28. There's always some funny T-shirts out there. Saw one thatmade me chuckle. It said: Say Perhaps To Drugs. The word perhaps is almost always funny.
29. Nicki Minaj popped up twice this weekend, with Ariana Grande to sing "Bang Bang" and with DJ Snake along with Selena Gomez to sing "Taki Taki." Wait a minute. IsTaki Taki Spanish for BangBang? Interesting.
30. Five performances I missed that I will see Weekend 2: Tierra Whack, Soccer Mommy, Ella Mai, Clairo and H.E.R.
31. The band CHON brought out the least likely surprise guest. None other than Kenny G.
32. If you want to be immediately transported to 1997, I suggest seeing the band The Interrupters on Saturday. They are right in that ska punk swing era, and I liked it.
33. My biggest regret of Weekend One, and this may haunt me for a while, wasnot seeing The Roots perform at the Heineken House on Saturday. My colleagues were blown away by them, and I just plain whiffed on it.
More:Coachella 2019: The Roots and De La Soul bring hip-hop to the Heineken House Weekend 1
34. Another local shoutout to performersDJ Alf Alpha and Ocho Ojos. Way to represent the valley gentlemen.
More:At Coachella 2019, Ocho Ojos shows festivalgoers the real Coachella
35. Gesaffelstein on the Outdoor Theatre (which is right next to the media area) provided an unusual soundtrack for us to work to. A loud, industrial, sort of robot death march vibe.
36.The Precious Cargo Award goes to... Joey Fatone of *NSYNC who picked up Ariana Grande and ran about 30 yards with her along a bridge from a platform in the middle of the crowd back up to the stage. I was nervous watching it, I'm she was nervous living it.
37. I caught all of or part of 37 different bands live this year during Weekend One. Looking forward to seeing how many I can add Weekend Two.
38. NBA and MLB jerseys are always a popular dude outfit at Coachella, so I like to award my most creative jersey choice each year: This year's winner was a guy in a Kansas City Royals Bo Jackson jersey.
39. Unwanted spoiler. Despite being a news-person and wanting to be in the know, I wish I didn't know about *NSYNC joining Ariana Grande. When she said "Ladies and gentleman *NSYNC!" it would have been a pretty stunning moment, but instead it was like "Oh, yep, it happened."
40. Nice job Mother Nature. A gorgeous three days of weather. Certainly can't complain. See you next weekeveryone. Or as a certain headliner might say to Weekend One, "Thank U, Next."
Shad Powers is a columnist at The Desert Sun. What was your favorite moment at Coachella 2019? Tell him about it at shad.powers@desertsun.com. Or e-mail us any thoughts about the festival at coachella@desertsun.com.
